i agreed with my self that until our boob tube's back, i'd post everyday.. but since i didn't post yesterday, i'll make up for it today.. while lying awake, i wrote the following, it was supposed to be my blog entry yesterday, only i'll post it today..

May 12,2006
11:54pm

why do we let ourselves hurt? why do we feel pain that's not supposed to be there in the first place? is it coz we need a confirmation that we can actually feel? if so, why don't we just let ourselves feel other emotions, like happiness or contentment? and when we ask ourselves, "why do i hurt?", we'll find out that it's easier to lose our minds than to actually answer that.. let's face it, we all get hurt, one time or another.. for reasons like, we could be broken hearted, disappointed, we failed someone close to us, we didn't reach other's expectations, we are insecure, we can't do things we want to do, we do things that we don't want to do, we can't say what we mean, we can't mean what we say, or we could just be plain hollow and that void just makes us hurt.. i'm not saying this to imply i'm hurting a heck.. and i'm not asking anybody to realize that i'm the most miserable person.. i'm aware that other souls are also hurting.. and i can't really categorize my self as a miserable person.. in fact, i find myself very lucky.. my family is my family.. my friends are my friends.. and they're certainly what i want and need and have been looking for.. and the mere fact that i have them in my life is affirmation enough that i'm lucky, no make that blessed, despite all that i lack.. but okay, if i go on with all i want to say, and pain is just a start, i'd be posting an entry good for a month, so i'll end this here.. this is just my lame attempt on pouring my heart out.. but as MC says, "it ain't even half of what i'm feeling inside.."