May 26, 2006

over talking..

i'll just type whatever i recall worth posting, alright?

do you know the song bigay na bigay by mano mano?.. that's my current semi-semi-favorite song.. hehe.. if not, you can check them out here.. actually i just like the melody of the song, nothing astounding about it.. just find it enjoyable..

for what felt like forever, i haven't gone to malls until today.. obviously, i didn't attend training..hehe so i've decided to go for a walk.. and you know what, i've found out that i can't manage to have long walks anymore, thanks to my left ankle!.. anyway.. after going around the mall a little, i had to sit down and so i took advantage of the place to eat.. i was on the food court and was lucky enough to find a table.. well, my usual perception about food courts is that it's hard to eat there when you're alone since you can't practically reserve a table, or leave something on it for that matter to suggest that somebody has already taken it, you just get to sit there when you sit there.. i was almost done with my dim sum merienda when i saw someone, through my peripheral vision, leave a folder on the table right across mine.. i paid it no mind and continued with what i was doing.. then seconds later, another guy walked along and sat on that table, putting the folder aside like he assumed that it was left there unintentionally.. i looked around coz i was wondering where the owner of the folder was.. then on a nearby store, i saw this guy looking anxiously at the other guy.. i'm telling you, from the instant i saw this guy, i knew something scandalous is going to happen.. wanting to see what that scandalous thing would be, i didn't leave though i was finished eating.. the guy who left the folder, an obvious inigo wannabe and gay as can be, came over to his supposed table and said "excuse me i'm sitting here.." and put the folder at the center of the table to imply that he's not going to transfer to another table and that the other guy should leave.. he [the gay, snobbish guy] walked back to get his food and looked back to his table for like every 5 seconds to check if the other guy left already.. so i also looked over their table.. surprisingly, the other guy was still there, he even pulled a notebook out of his bag and scribbled something on it.. the gay as can be guy looked really pissed.. he looked really funny.. you know how those arrogant people look when they are annoyed or when they don't get what they want or when things are not done their way?, exactly, that's how he looked.. hehe funny.. anyway, i actually thought that i could just vacate my table so the other guy could transfer there and cut them some slack.. but i said to my self, "i'm so not leaving yet.." there's no way i'm going to pass this chance of seeing this stunt.. hehe.. the gay (let me be politically incorrect, if i'm being one, i just don't know how to describe him) returned to his table and said something like, (i'm paraphrasing here i didn't catch what he exactly said) "i'll sit here maybe you could leave now.." wow, oozing with god-complex! love it.. damn it, he could have just shared the table with the other guy considering they're both alone and could just sit on other sides but hell he would allow that.. i knew he's up to something really arrogant.. so after the other guy left, i also got off my seat and left.. i don't want that god to see me smirk at what he just did.. hehe.. but don't get me wrong, i don't hail arrogance i just find him funny.. so funny that if that person can read this i wanna tell him, "die, just die.." hehehe.. uh oh.. bad..


to lighten things up, i saw this instruction on a t-shirt tag, it says, "wear on upper body, just right under head.." uh?.. unless my upper body is elsewhere, this instruction is so helpful.. but yeah i know it was just trying to be funny.. *squints* hehe..


Posted @ 21:43 | PermaLink | 5 comments |
May 22, 2006

cmon cmon..

God bless the one and only site that contains this..



Do you ever wake up in the morning alone?
And do you ever wish that there was some way you could stay at home?
With somebody who loves you and needs you
With somebody who helps to complete you (yun yun eh!hehe)

But I've made mistakes and I know for sure
I won't forget to remember (hopefully.. hehe)

Love isn't always as you see it
Love isn't always as you dream it should be
Love isn't always gonna find you
But this is love
Cause you're all I'm thinking of

I wanna tell you that I'm sorry I didn't mean that
I wanna say I love you but will I hear those words come back
From somebody who loves me and needs me
From somebody who helps to complete me (inulit pa nga..)

But there's one concern that I must consider
Before I start to paint my picture

I'm gonna take my chances
I'm gonna lay my heart out on the line
I'm gonna love you endLeslie!
But I'll keep this in the back of my mind


Posted @ 20:32 | PermaLink | 0 comments |
May 21, 2006

Why do i keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when i stop.

I don't know what to post/say/write/share today.. it's just that i feel like updating, only there's nothing to update.. oh! our tv's back in tune, so that makes my not posting recently forgivable, since i only said that i will post daily until our tv's back.. so apparently i've ended the post-everyday deal already.. and this is my shortest post so far..


Posted @ 19:44 | PermaLink | 0 comments |
May 16, 2006

love isn't

bakit walang lyrics ng love isn't ng same same na available sa internet? di ako makapaniwala.. hindi naman yun yung first single nila, second na yun eh, ni yung first single wala rin.. yun pa naman ang gusto kong i-post for today.. (ah kaya pala?!hehe) anyway, kilala mo ba kung sino yung same same? naaalala mo ba ang moffatts? (o may narinig pa akong tumili..hehe) hindi sila yun.. yung dalawa lang sa kanila.. yung guitarist (si clint) at si bob (yung drummer) na lang, bale duo na lang sila (figures!) wala akong idea kung nasaan na sina scott at dave, at kung bakit hindi sila kasama sa come back nung dalawa.. syempre alam mo rin na triplet sina clint, bob at dave.. (wag i-deny alam kong alam mo yun..hehe) dati, halatang triplet sila pero madaling ma-distinguish kung sino ang sino.. pero ngayon sobrang magkamukha na si clint at bob, hindi ko talaga malaman kung sino sila sa dalawa.. pareho na kasi pati style ng buhok eh.. going back to the song, sabi ko nga second single na nila yung love isn't, yung first eh yung supermodel yata yung title, malamang nakita mo na yung video non.. hindi ko alam kung may video na rin yung love isn't, pano ko malalaman, walang tv.. huhu.. hehehe.. sana meron at sana maganda, at higit sa lahat sana makita ko.. oo medyo cheesy nga sila, lalo pa dahil part sila ng moffatts (pero sobrang sikat sila dati di ba..hehe), pero gusto ko yung love isn't, malimit ko yun naririnig sa radyo, saka unique eh love isn't naman at hindi love is.. hehe.. galing nga nung pinagusapan sa MR yung song na yun eh, tama sila na minsan to define something you say what it isn't instead of what it is.. yun lang.. hay salamat may nai-post, wala kasi akong maisip na ilalagay, naubusan na ako..hehe kita mo nga naman, humaba pa nga.. hehe..


Posted @ 20:05 | PermaLink | 0 comments |
May 15, 2006

to the tune of "exactly what i mean!!.." *smiles*

syempre nagblog ako ngayon kasi deal ko to sa sarili ko eh.. ayoko ma-disappoint ang sarili ko kaya i'm trying my best na panindigan ang sinabi ko.. anyways, hindi ako masyadong magseseryoso, high kasi ako ngayon.. hehe.. o hindi yang iniisip mo, natural high to..hehe.. pero in fairness (in fairness?!hehe) kakapagod ang training.. pero ayos din at least may ginagawa ako dun as opposed to the last few days na i'm literally sitting around.. *hik* lasing na ko.. *hik* hehehe.. lasing na wala namang iniinom pero kakaisip ko sumasakit ang ulo ko, ang init na nga ng pakiramdam ko eh (hala!!) hehehe.. wala na akong masabi, kanta na lang ako.. eto ang kinakanta ko sa isip ko sa office buong araw kaya nadidistract ako sa ginagawa ko gusto ko kasi kumanta pero syempre alangan namang kumanta ako don ni hindi nga ako naghahum dun eh.. feel free to sing and dance along..



so she said what's the problem baby / what's the problem / i don't know / well maybe i'm in love / think about it everytime / think about it / can't stop thinking 'bout it / how much longer will it take to cure this / just to cure it cause i can't ignore it if it's love / makes me wanna turn around and face me but i don't know nothing 'bout love / come on, come on / turn a little faster / come on, come on / the world will follow after / come on, come on / because everybody's after love / so i said I'm a snowball running / running down into the spring that's coming / all this love melting under blue skies / belting out sunlight / shimmering love / well baby i surrender / to the strawberry ice cream / never ever end of all this love / well i didn't mean to do it / but there's no escaping your love / these lines of lightning / mean we're never alone, never alone, no, no / come on, come on / move a little closer / come on, come on / i want to hear you whisper / come on, come on / settle down inside my love / come on, come on / jump a little higher / come on, come on / if you feel a little lighter / come on, come on / we were once upon a time in love / accidentally in love..


Posted @ 21:06 | PermaLink | 0 comments |
May 14, 2006

make a mountain out of it if you should..

Austen: "You know what i hate?"
Sam:"People taking your order?"
Austen: "No.. Taking people's orders.."
A Cinderella Story



The Phrase.
there's nothing wrong about mood swings.. what's wrong is when your mood doesn't swing at all.. but what's worse is when it is stuck in the not-so-high mood.. am i in a bad mood? not anymore, i'm not..

have you ever been so scared in your life? of practically everything.. from the littlest, nonsense thing to the thing that you most dread.. and just when you thought you're not scared anymore you just end up getting scared over and over again that you just can't specify the feeling of being not scared anymore because you got used to the feeling.. and the sad part is that a lot is going to waste because you're too busy getting scared.. but what else are you left with when you have reasons to be scared? when things happen and you're just not ready for it.. when you know time will come that your weakness will be so real you can actually look at it and touch it and you can't do anything but wait for that time, barely breathing, hoping you'll manage to catch your breath until then.. but don't get me continued on reasons to be scared, i might not stop.. yeah i know i shouldn't be scared, i tell that to my self everyday, but the weak part of me just wouldn't agree, and it's got reasons no to..

I saw the sign and it somehow opened up my eyes.
i don't know about you but i sometimes ask for signs.. mostly about petty things.. i do it sometimes out of fun, or of amusement, but the other time, i did it to have something to base my feelings upon.. i asked for a sign, and not more than five minutes later, i saw it.. sadly though, it has shown the unfavorable/unexpected form.. there are actually two factors that affirm the condition i've set for the sign.. the first, but not the bigger deal, was met.. the second, which will make all the fucking difference!, was not.. so at first i was confused.. which should really matter more, the one that was met or the one what wasn't?.. was the sign a good sign or not? then i had made up my mind.. clearly, it wasn't.. i tried to think that maybe the answer to conditions of the sign was neither a yes or a no.. but i don't want to get all my hopes up so i just preferred to believe that it was a no.. sure it was disappointing, i saw it coming though..

The song. That song.

"i walked under a bus, i got hit by a train
keep fallin in love, which is kind of the same
i've sunk out at sea
crashed my car, gone insane
and it felt so good, i wanna do it again.."

i don't know what it is about that song that revived me last night.. maybe my letting go to singing it has let go of the not-so-good vibe that i had.. anyways, this song is so fun, love love love it.. hee hee.. and its acoustic version was just so argh! good.. as if it summons me evertime i hear it.. fuck iwebtunes for not having this..


Posted @ 17:14 | PermaLink | 0 comments |
May 13, 2006

make head or tail of it..

i agreed with my self that until our boob tube's back, i'd post everyday.. but since i didn't post yesterday, i'll make up for it today.. while lying awake, i wrote the following, it was supposed to be my blog entry yesterday, only i'll post it today..

May 12,2006
11:54pm

why do we let ourselves hurt? why do we feel pain that's not supposed to be there in the first place? is it coz we need a confirmation that we can actually feel? if so, why don't we just let ourselves feel other emotions, like happiness or contentment? and when we ask ourselves, "why do i hurt?", we'll find out that it's easier to lose our minds than to actually answer that.. let's face it, we all get hurt, one time or another.. for reasons like, we could be broken hearted, disappointed, we failed someone close to us, we didn't reach other's expectations, we are insecure, we can't do things we want to do, we do things that we don't want to do, we can't say what we mean, we can't mean what we say, or we could just be plain hollow and that void just makes us hurt.. i'm not saying this to imply i'm hurting a heck.. and i'm not asking anybody to realize that i'm the most miserable person.. i'm aware that other souls are also hurting.. and i can't really categorize my self as a miserable person.. in fact, i find myself very lucky.. my family is my family.. my friends are my friends.. and they're certainly what i want and need and have been looking for.. and the mere fact that i have them in my life is affirmation enough that i'm lucky, no make that blessed, despite all that i lack.. but okay, if i go on with all i want to say, and pain is just a start, i'd be posting an entry good for a month, so i'll end this here.. this is just my lame attempt on pouring my heart out.. but as MC says, "it ain't even half of what i'm feeling inside.."


Posted @ 11:07 | PermaLink | 0 comments |
May 11, 2006

Quick, a clock is ticking somewhere.

since it has come to my attention, i've been wanting to send one.. not that i have this big big secret, it's just lately i'm into postcards and just so fitting that there's such a site as that.. and it would be nice to have some kind of an outlet, right? but there's a problem, i no good with art.. so probably if ever i send one, it will just look like the lamest thing on the site, and there will be no doubt about that.. argh where was i when art was showered down? but if ever i send one (i stress 'if ever' coz i'm not really decisive about it, it's just an idea), i'm not doing it to say 'hey look at my postcard, i'll be national artist after this' but i'm doing it coz i want to.. another is i don't know what to write in it.. there's a lot i could write, i could even make one up if i want to, but, if ever, i want to say something true, that's the whole point of the thing in the first place.. still, it's just an idea that i have.. i often plan about doing something but then i end up not doing it coz usually i get distracted and forget about it.. we'll see if that's the case with this..


Posted @ 19:47 | PermaLink | 3 comments |
May 10, 2006

Save it for later..

I Do Not Love You

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.


*asphyxiates* i'm not dead, am i? gosh Pablo, how could you?

okay enough, this is not the time or place to get emotional.. but i have always loved that poem.. i am reminded so you know what i did out of it.. it's still my call right? uh.. it's wednesday night and the boob tube's still down.. something is very wrong..


Posted @ 21:45 | PermaLink | 0 comments |
May 09, 2006

Eerie Indiana

do you like security guards? ako? sakin okay sila, coz their presence somehow says that i am safe.. kahit yung mga guards sa school, kahit maraming napipikon sa kanila, tolerable naman sila sa tingin ko, ginagawa lang nila ang trabaho nila although minsan sobra rin siguro.. mabait ako sa mga guard, kahit sayawin nila ako hindi ako nakikipagsagutan.. but that was until this afternoon.. walang lace or clip man lang yung zone pass ko.. malay ko bang kailangan non, eh nakikita ko namang walang nagsusuot non sa loob.. but that surly guard called me on my way in.. "o sabit mo yang id mo".. "wala akong clip eh", sabi ko sobrang hinahon ko nyan ha.. "eh di kukunin ko to, wala ka naman palang isasabit eh".. at kinuha nya ang id ko.. binigay ko naman.. walang argue, nilayasan ko sya.. sa loob loob ko, hindi naman major offense eh balikan ko na lang pag labas ko.. at nung paglabas ko bumili muna ako ng clip, yung color yellow, at pinuntahan ko yung guard na nakaduty.. "kukunin ko yung id ko".. "punta ka doon".. tinuro nya yung security office yata yung tawag don.. pag dating ko don, si manong guard ay nakikipagchikahan pa sa radyo.. nung sinabi ko yung pakay ko, andami nyang tinanong, "anong oras kinuha? sinong kumuha? natatandaan mo yung itsura? yun ba?(turo sa isang guard) o yun (turo sa isa pang guard) (syempre hindi ko maaalala kung sino alam ko lang matangkad at maitim eh halos lahat sila matangkad at maitim) anong pangalan mo? punta ka doon.." ang daming sinabi wala naman pala syang maitutulong.. eh di go naman ako dun sa tinuro nya.. ang daming diskusyon bago pa binalik yung pass ko.. siguro may 30 minutes lahat lahat ang proseso.. hassle sila.. gutom na gutom na ko non..



pag may nagtanong ng contact number mo at hindi mo lubos na kakilala, ibibigay mo ba? you would not right?.. i wouldn't too and i didn't.. tinanong nya ko, "anong cellphone number mo?" "uh wala akong cellphone" hindi ko alam kung bakit yan ang naisagot ko, kasi akala ko sasabihin kong ayoko ibigay, siguro sa sobrang ayoko ngang ibigay.. "wala kang cellphone? teenager walang cellphone" (may point sya don) "wala akong hilig sa ganon eh" (ows? talaga Les?heh) "eh pano ka pala nako-contact?" "eh di hindi ako nako-contact" (taray!) sabay talikod.. nanghihinayang ako, sobrang nanghihinayang ako.. bat ba hindi ko binigay? pagkakataon na yun eh.. pagkakataon na magbigay ng maling number.. saya sana non di ba? mag-imbento ako ng number, random number, tapos ibibigay ko sa kanya kunwari cellphone number ko yun.. grabe sayang talaga, mabilis kasi ako mataranta(do).. kainis saya sana non! sayang.. argh.. mga natututunan ko talaga kay Mo no? (who btw had deleted his friendster profile just recently, akala ko dinelete nya ako sa friend's list nya yun pala wala na syang account, wala na tuloy akong source ng update, damn his "sentimental reasons"..) ginawa nya kasi yun eh nung may nagtanong ng number nya syempre di nya binigay ayun nagisip ng number ng kung sino sino and it ended up to be Mighty Mike's if i'm not mistaken.. good times! sayang! may nagoood time rin sana ako..



aliw na aliw akong magblog no? ikaw ba naman masiraan ng bait este ng tv sa bahay.. yup, tv, sira.. pwede mo sya actually magamit sa isang sentence eh.. pero hindi pa naman totally sira, nagffunction pa naman kaso wala kang makikita, maririnig meron.. mistula tuloy kaming nakikinig ng balita sa radyo, yun nga lang sa tv.. sana lang by sunday na-revive na ang buhay ng tv namin, kasi kung bukas parang malabo pa.. primitive tuloy, walang tv.. pero may computer!.. cool.. isa ngang 'up here'!


Posted @ 19:56 | PermaLink | 2 comments |
May 08, 2006

bad baby cheetah

i went back to the place and i expectedly went back to the feeling.. funny coz it felt like it was going to happen all over again.. i was wearing the same shirt, and i did the same routine, board a bus on that same time, ate that same food on the way, listened to the same radio show, crossed that same spot at that same time.. same same.. funnier coz like before, there went the same car in front of me.. no kidding.. if i were to cross the same insane way that i did last time, i swear that same car would've hit me again.. (destiny?!) i'm not sure if he saw me, i kinda walked as fast as i can coz for some unknown reasons i didn't want him to see me, i've caused him a lot of trouble, i'm not hoping that we'd be literally bumping into each other again.. okay, enough of that..


people who saw me on the bus on my way home probably think i'm some kind of a lunatic.. what can i do? who wouldn't laugh out loud when you hear someone spell chipper as chi-p-didn'tfinishcoztheybothlaughedsodidi.. lol.. nice one Chico, you actually fell for that?! and i just practically laughed alone i didn't even bother to raise the window, i've just let them witness my laughing moment.. actually, there were many laughable times but i managed to hold it in a little, but with this one i just can't.. chipper!


you know how bus/jeepney drivers sometimes make their passengers transfer to other PUVs for some reason.. do you like that? well, i do.. but only if they don't drop me off some unsual place, thank goodness i've not experienced that yet.. uhmm.. another thing about my way home this afternoon was that the driver asked us to transfer into another bus somewhere passed the nearby town crossing.. it was okay, i boarded another quickly.. there was a conductor, and he started to do the rounds as soon as the bus moved.. there were two guys sitting in front of me who paid 10 pesos for both of them, so that makes 5 pesos each, which is obviously not enough.. anyway, he [the conductor] looked pissed but didn't argue, instead he turned himself around and sat back on the seat near the entrance/exit.. but here's the thing, he left me out, he was so annoyed he forgot to collect my fare (or maybe i was invisible that time, not sure).. i told myself that i'll just pay on my way out and i kept the coins in my hand.. then we reached the terminal and i walked out of the bus.. but uh wait.. i forgot something! i was still holding the coins in my hand.. i didn't freaking pay!.. or did i really forget?! heh.. okay, i'll confess, it didn't slip my mind, i whisked it off my mind.. come on, the guy didn't collect my fair, of course my being a silly was triggerred.. it was just a one time thing though and i know it wasn't right.. but that was just a moment when i was urged to do as what my instinct says.. and it was right coz the conductor didn't notice me, he only gave me that strange look when i was already walking on the curb, a look that almost said 'wait i don't remember that girl paying' but he didn't say a word so it was all good.. oh no, is my conscience knocking already?.. all that for 18 pesos? but i had my homeward fare free, right?..


Posted @ 21:18 | PermaLink | 2 comments |
May 06, 2006

I Shall Scream

please somebody tell me which song has the words You don't have to tell me i'm pretty to let me know i'm beautiful.. You don't have to give me strength to make me strong, i'm strong on my own.. and who's the brilliant artist behind it.. i'm not 100% sure of those words but i think they come really close.. my searching skill's not working at the moment so somebody please do it for me.. please? uhmm all i know is that a girl sings it, no idea whether it's solo or band, and it has a soundtrack-ish feel to it..

"I'm so happy for you baby I could cry. Yeah, I'm so elated.. Cross my heart and hope to die, I don't think about you every night before I close my eyes. I'm so happy for you baby, I could cry.."
Happy, Saving Jane

here's the thing, that song i've just quoted above, i haven't heard it yet.. but the words are nice, aren't they?.. i'm so looking forward to hearing that soon..

speaking of nice songs, i heard that old song from Aerosmith the other night.. I don't want to miss a thing? remember? gadd.. really nice song.. how can i just realize that recently? the words, the music, Steven Tyler's voice.. it was bliss!.. this song is in the background, so hopefully you'll know what i mean.. go ahead.. don't be shy, feel the song, i know you wanna close your eyes.. gosh, i. like. this. song.


Posted @ 16:29 | PermaLink | 0 comments |
May 01, 2006

talking about the bum's rush

what a bummer!

an idiot's take on loafing..

B
begin by involving yourself in an accident.. one which will be the complete opposite of your parents.. one that will tolerate your sitting around all day.. one that will make you miss walking around the house and go up and down the stairs.. one that will suspend your training hours.. one that will make you say the forbidden phrase "sorry, i can't right now.. *explains situation*" to stay overs, a graduation party, a drive around the city, an out of town, and even a simple movie day out.. *sighs with bulged eyes*


U
unable to go out, you'd be stuck in the living room either watching tv, lying down, scanning the radio, sleeping, eating, staring blankly, texting, blinding yourself in front of the computer, or staring at your bruised body part(in my case, foot).. but those are things i actually like to do, so i have no complains about them.. but that's what i thought until i start receiving messages inviting me to go out.. so despairing, you'd find yourself trying to do all that was mentioned above all at the same time to get occupied.. weird though, coz on one hand, i want to go out.. but on the other, i'm liking this idle state i'm in.. and on the bright side, as usual, is that because you watch too much tv, you'd actually start to appreciate surgery interns (yee!), science (uh huh), and investigative researches on nature, physics, religion, and all that nat geo researches about (*drools over travelling*)..


M
make-believe that tomorrow would be the day you've been waiting for.. the day when you will be finally able to go out not because you have to go hospital hopping but because you are going out like a normal, straight-walking person.. oh! i almost forgot! i'm going out tomorrow!!! yey!.. uh huh, i have a doctor's appointment.. *wags head so fast i'll have vertigo*

so kids, learned anything yet? nothing? yeah, i figured..

think that litterally sitting around all day is a blast? think again.. learn from the bummer.. there's this saying that goes learn from other's mistakes, life is too short to experience them all, or something like that.. so.. ehem.. gadd, this is so nonsense..


Posted @ 21:09 | PermaLink | 4 comments |

About Me
Name: Leslie
Location: Philippines

I'm somehow living my life by not knowing.. And until now, I still don't know..

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